If you know me at all you know this; I make babies that don't like sleep. When my first daughter was born I thought something was wrong. She didn't sleep. I take that back, she slept if she was nursing. That was the ONLY way. Which meant that I had to have her attached to my boob in my bed all night long. All day long. That was the only way. Throughout that though I did find that I wasn't producing enough milk so I do wonder if that was a big part of it. After a LOT of work I was able to successfully breastfeed her (she still is today) and that was good but the sleep never got better. I don't know why.
I've blogged before about the sleep issues we had so I won't go into all of that again here. If I remember I'll add some links in here to reference back to those older posts.
She does sleep in her own room, in her own crib, and she falls asleep IN her crib. Which at 2.5 is very important. For us. I don't believe there is any 1 right way for our children to sleep. I think that it has to work for the family and I do believe that it should be gentle and considerate of the child as well. I know some people who still nurse their 2.5-3 year old's to sleep and that's fine if it works for them. I was thrilled when she no longer needed me to do that.
For naps and bedtime she needs us to stay in her room until she falls asleep. Depending on the day that can be really difficult. If she falls asleep quickly then it's no big deal but I can tell you that I have spent countless hours sitting in her room waiting for her to fall asleep. Hours upon hours upon hours. Then I had a second child......and sitting in a room waiting for 1 to fall asleep isn't so easy anymore. Eventually daddy was able to take over the bedtime for Alivia so that I could tend to the baby. It didn't happen over night but he is now able to do it. We still have many "one more baby hugs" where she needs to come out and give me hugs and kisses. And sometimes her daddy is stuck in her room for up to an hour waiting for her to fall asleep, but the bigger picture there is she is allowing it to happen without me and without a fuss.
For naps I'm home with her during the day and my husband isn't. I either nurse the baby while Alivia falls asleep, try to play quietly with her while waiting, or sometimes the timing is magical and I can get the baby down right before Alivia and then I'm not trying to keep an infant quiet while big sister falls asleep. But it's not ideal and I needed to start getting Alivia to try and fall asleep on her own.
This is what I did:
Step 1: For about 3 weeks I would do the whole nap time routine with both girls. Snack, book, diaper, jammies (Alivia insists on changing into pajamas...). Then I'd close the curtains in her room, lay her in the crib, give her a couple books and the baby monitor (so she could see me in the other room with the baby) and I'd take the baby into my room and get her down to sleep and THEN go back into Alivia's room, sing her a few songs and then sit in her room waiting for her to fall asleep. All the while not knowing if I'd need to get up and give the baby her paci again.
This process really helped her get used to being in her room, in her crib, by herself. She knew I was coming back, she could see me on the monitor and she had some books to distract her.
Then a few weeks ago my sister asked if I could start watching my 3.5 year old niece 2 days a week. My biggest fear was nap time. How was I going to get an infant to sleep, a 2.5 year old to sleep that needs me to stay in her room with her AND keep an eye on a 3.5 year old??? I knew that if this was going to work I'd have to step up the nap "training". (Is there a better word?)
Step 2: On a Thursday (My niece is here Tuesday/Wednesday) I told Alivia I was going to sit by her door instead of the recliner that's next to her bed. I was still in the room and her door was still shut but I was sitting by it instead of next to her. I did that for 1 whole week. The first couple days she took a while to fall asleep. She is always wanting "1 more drink of water" "1 more baby hug" "fix my blanket" but I started telling her about 2 months ago no more. She could ask for ONE thing but after that I wasn't going to get up again. A couple times she cried about it and if she got too worked up I'd give in but after a couple months she pretty much stopped. When I moved over to the door she started that up again and I just had to tell her no. Within reason. If she really seemed thirsty or truly couldn't fix her own blanket then I got up and helped her.
(I'd like to add that I always tell Alivia what's going to happen before it does. I don't like just springing things on her. Adults don't usually care for that either and I know it's even harder for kids. I like to give her the same respect I would an adult. So about 2 days before any change I tell her "OK, in two days we're going to start xyz"
Step 3: The following Wednesday I told her I was going to start sitting on the OUTSIDE of her bedroom door but that I'd keep the door open enough for her to see me. I didn't have the door wide open but I sat in a position that she could see me and talk to me. This was June 3rd. My niece wasn't coming over this day so I bumped up my "schedule" 1 day. I didn't want to try anything new with her here in fear that Alivia would get jealous or think I was in the living room playing with her cousin. So I sat on the outside, I had to tell her a few times to lay still and stop playing her her animals but eventually she fell asleep and I shut her door the rest of the way. I did that for 2 days, then on Saturday we skipped her nap to go to another cousin's kindergarten graduation (NEVER skip naps people, she was up all night). Then on Sunday I was back to outside the door again and this time I pulled it more shut. She talked to me for about 30 seconds and then was out! Yesterday was Monday and I did the same thing. I pulled the door more closed and she could hear me on the outside of it with her sister (who wasn't sleeping yet) and she didn't even seem to mind. Usually she would have been asking why Juliana was talking/laughing/crying etc. But she didn't care.
Today....I did the whole routine, laid her down, pulled the door pretty much shut. She asked for 1 drink of water and I told her no about 3 times and I walked away. She didn't know I wasn't there anymore since the door was almost completely shut. I got the monitor so that I could hear her if she asked me a question and then I got to putting Juliana down for her nap. I wanted to make sure if she asked for me that she thought I was still on the other side of the door. I like to tell her what's happening so if she thinks I'm right there then I feel that's where I should be. (IF she asked for me). I watched her on the monitor while I changed Juliana's diaper and she was just adjusting her pillow and animals but fell right asleep! (Oh yeah, I don't have my niece today so I was able to do this 2 days sooner than I planned)
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| This is how far shut her door was today |
This has been a long time coming! And I know this may seem like a painfully slow process to some people but I'm not one to let my babies (or toddlers) cry. I feel that I'm their mother and they need, or at least feel that they need, me for sleep and that's ok. It's been hard and I've bitched plenty about it to plenty of people but it was never an option to me to let her cry. I think children develop at their own pace and that when the timing is right things are easier on everyone. Weather it be sleep, toilet training or whatever else we're trying to teach them. And really, it's only taken 2 weeks to get on the outside of that door. Considering I've been INSIDE the room since she was 3 months old (when we moved her to her own room) I think 2 weeks is great!
The last couple days she was woken up about 1 hour into her nap and sat up and looked around but then LAID BACK DOWN! Up until now that only happened if her daddy put her down. Otherwise she'd be wake crying for me and I couldn't get her back to sleep. I was THRILLED when I saw her wake up and then put her self back to sleep on her own.
I feel like I've been given back time lol. I'm not sitting in her room waiting and waiting and waiting. It's really quite amazing.
At some point we need to work on the bedtime as well but I know that it's much harder at night than for naps. For many reasons but that's for another post.
I also need to start working on Juliana's naps. She's 5 months now and still sleeping in her swing. And wouldn't you know that when I started this nap training with Alivia, Juliana decided to stop taking a long afternoon nap? She's actually awake now and I just put her down before I sat down to type this. But again...that's for another post. :-)
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