Nap training: Success?!

(If you'd want to skip to how I did the "training" look below for Step 1)

If you know me at all you know this; I make babies that don't like sleep. When my first daughter was born I thought something was wrong. She didn't sleep. I take that back, she slept if she was nursing. That was the ONLY way. Which meant that I had to have her attached to my boob in my bed all night long. All day long. That was the only way. Throughout that though I did find that I wasn't producing enough milk so I do wonder if that was a big part of it. After a LOT of work I was able to successfully breastfeed her (she still is today) and that was good but the sleep never got better. I don't know why.

I've blogged before about the sleep issues we had so I won't go into all of that again here. If I remember I'll add some links in here to reference back to those older posts.

She does sleep in her own room, in her own crib, and she falls asleep IN her crib. Which at 2.5 is very important. For us. I don't believe there is any 1 right way for our children to sleep. I think that it has to work for the family and I do believe that it should be gentle and considerate of the child as well. I know some people who still nurse their 2.5-3 year old's to sleep and that's fine if it works for them. I was thrilled when she no longer needed me to do that.

For naps and bedtime she needs us to stay in her room until she falls asleep. Depending on the day that can be really difficult. If she falls asleep quickly then it's no big deal but I can tell you that I have spent countless hours sitting in her room waiting for her to fall asleep. Hours upon hours upon hours. Then I had a second child......and sitting in a room waiting for 1 to fall asleep isn't so easy anymore. Eventually daddy was able to take over the bedtime for Alivia so that I could tend to the baby. It didn't happen over night but he is now able to do it. We still have many "one more baby hugs" where she needs to come out and give me hugs and kisses. And sometimes her daddy is stuck in her room for up to an hour waiting for her to fall asleep, but the bigger picture there is she is allowing it to happen without me and without a fuss.

For naps I'm home with her during the day and my husband isn't. I either nurse the baby while Alivia falls asleep, try to play quietly with her while waiting, or sometimes the timing is magical and I can get the baby down right before Alivia and then I'm not trying to keep an infant quiet while big sister falls asleep. But it's not ideal and I needed to start getting Alivia to try and fall asleep on her own.

This is what I did:

Step 1:  For about 3 weeks I would do the whole nap time routine with both girls. Snack, book, diaper, jammies  (Alivia insists on changing into pajamas...). Then I'd close the curtains in her room, lay her in the crib, give her a couple books and the baby monitor (so she could see me in the other room with the baby) and I'd take the baby into my room and get her down to sleep and THEN go back into Alivia's room, sing her a few songs and then sit in her room waiting for her to fall asleep. All the while not knowing if I'd need to get up and give the baby her paci again.
This process really helped her get used to being in her room, in her crib, by herself. She knew I was coming back, she could see me on the monitor and she had some books to distract her.

 Then a few weeks ago my sister asked if I could start watching my 3.5 year old niece 2 days a week. My biggest fear was nap time. How was I going to get an infant to sleep, a 2.5 year old to sleep that needs me to stay in her room with her AND keep an eye on a 3.5 year old??? I knew that if this was going to work I'd have to step up the nap "training". (Is there a better word?)

Step 2: On a Thursday (My niece is here Tuesday/Wednesday) I told Alivia I was going to sit by her door instead of the recliner that's next to her bed. I was still in the room and her door was still shut but I was sitting by it instead of next to her. I did that for 1 whole week. The first couple days she took a while to fall asleep. She is always wanting "1 more drink of water" "1 more baby hug" "fix my blanket" but I started telling her about 2 months ago no more. She could ask for ONE thing but after that I wasn't going to get up again. A couple times she cried about it and if she got too worked up I'd give in but after a couple months she pretty much stopped. When I moved over to the door she started that up again and I just had to tell her no. Within reason. If she really seemed thirsty or truly couldn't fix her own blanket then I got up and helped her.

(I'd like to add that I always tell Alivia what's going to happen before it does. I don't like just springing things on her. Adults don't usually care for that either and I know it's even harder for kids. I like to give her the same respect I would an adult. So about 2 days before any change I tell her "OK, in two days we're going to start xyz"

Step 3: The following Wednesday I told her I was going to start sitting on the OUTSIDE of her bedroom door but that I'd keep the door open enough for her to see me. I didn't have the door wide open but I sat in a position that she could see me and talk to me. This was June 3rd. My niece wasn't coming over this day so I bumped up my "schedule" 1 day. I didn't want to try anything new with her here in fear that Alivia would get jealous or think I was in the living room playing with her cousin. So I sat on the outside, I had to tell her a few times to lay still and stop playing her her animals but eventually she fell asleep and I shut her door the rest of the way. I did that for 2 days, then on Saturday we skipped her nap to go to another cousin's kindergarten graduation (NEVER skip naps people, she was up all night). Then on Sunday I was back to outside the door again and this time I pulled it more shut. She talked to me for about 30 seconds and then was out! Yesterday was Monday and I did the same thing. I pulled the door more closed and she could hear me on the outside of it with her sister (who wasn't sleeping yet) and she didn't even seem to mind. Usually she would have been asking why Juliana was talking/laughing/crying etc. But she didn't care.

Today....I did the whole routine, laid her down, pulled the door pretty much shut. She asked for 1 drink of water and I told her no about 3 times and I walked away. She didn't know I wasn't there anymore since the door was almost completely shut. I got the monitor so that I could hear her if she asked me a question and then I got to putting Juliana down for her nap. I wanted to make sure if she asked for me that she thought I was still on the other side of the door. I like to tell her what's happening so if she thinks I'm right there then I feel that's where I should be. (IF she asked for me). I watched her on the monitor while I changed Juliana's  diaper and she was just adjusting her pillow and animals but fell right asleep!   (Oh yeah, I don't have my niece today so I was able to do this 2 days sooner than I planned)

This is how far shut her door was today

I'm so excited that she's actually taking to this so well!!! It's been a long 2.5 years of nap times! And now she's down to only 1 nap but before when she was taking 2 it was double the time. I feel like we're about there. She is truly falling asleep on her own. I'll continue with the door closed as in the picture above until next Tuesday probably. Then on Tuesday or Thursday (depends on how she's doing with her cousin here) I'll start just pulling the door all the way shut. I'll remain close by and will respond when she asks but I'm thinking it won't take more than 2 days of her asking for me to open the door before she's fine with it.

This has been a long time coming! And I know this may seem like a painfully slow process to some people but I'm not one to let my babies (or toddlers) cry. I feel that I'm their mother and they need, or at least feel that they need, me for sleep and that's ok. It's been hard and I've bitched plenty about it to plenty of people but it was never an option to me to let her cry. I think children develop at their own pace and that when the timing is right things are easier on everyone. Weather it be sleep, toilet training or whatever else we're trying to teach them. And really, it's only taken 2 weeks to get on the outside of that door. Considering I've been INSIDE the room since she was 3 months old (when we moved her to her own room) I think 2 weeks is great!

The last couple days she was woken up about 1 hour into her nap and sat up and looked around but then LAID BACK DOWN! Up until now that only happened if her daddy put her down. Otherwise she'd be wake crying for me and I couldn't get her back to sleep. I was THRILLED when I saw her wake up and then put her self back to sleep on her own.

I feel like I've been given back time lol. I'm not sitting in her room waiting and waiting and waiting. It's really quite amazing.

At some point we need to work on the bedtime as well but I know that it's much harder at night than for naps. For many reasons but that's for another post.

I also need to start working on Juliana's naps. She's 5 months now and still sleeping in her swing. And wouldn't you know that when I started this nap training with Alivia, Juliana decided to stop taking a long afternoon nap? She's actually awake now and I just put her down before I sat down to type this. But again...that's for another post. :-)

Meal Planning

If you Google "meal planning" or look into Pinterest you'll come up with dozens of different ways to create a meal plan. From note books, to chalk boards to using your cell phone; there's something for everyone and the hardest part is figuring out which will work best for you.

For meal planning to work in your favor you need to choose a system that you'll stick to. If the cool chalkboard looks like a lot of fun but the thought of chalk going across the board gives you goose bumps...you're probably not going to get much use out of it. I do think there can be some trail and error involved, often times we don't know what will work for us until we give it a try. If you're going the white board/chalk board or bulletin board route you may want to do a mock up first and see if it's actually something you'll like using.

One thing I know I don't like using is my phone. I've downloaded more apps for meal planning, grocery shopping and list making than I care to admit...and I don't EVER follow through on using them. I do like having pen and paper, something I can hold onto, write on, mark up, something more substantial than my phone or laptop.

What I ended up with is a 3 ring binder. This certainly took some trial and error and it's still evolving but it's what I've found really works for me right now.
I bought a 3 ring binder (1 inch) and page protectors. I downloaded a calendar template from Google that just showed a weekly view. And lastly I downloaded The Ultimate Grocery List from www.grocerylists.org both of the downloads are free so all I paid for was the binder and page protectors.

To set up I just started with that first week. I went through recipes I had saved  on my lap top, looked in magazines I already had at home and Googled others that I thought sounded good. Then I got it in paper form, so if it was in my magazine I just tore out the page, if it was online I printed it out and into the page protectors they went. I just add recipes as I go. I don't have 100's saved in this book.

To start meal planning for the week, I open up the calendar I downloaded and type in the meal I want to make. You'll see in the photos that I plan, or at least have space to plan, Breakfast - Snack 1 - Lunch - Snack 2 - Dinner.
I don't always use all the spaces but I like having it available. I made this with my daughter in mind who was being watched at our home by her grandma so it helped having everything laid out.

The great thing about the calendar I use is it saves frequently added words, just like am excel document ( I think that's pretty much what it is) so as I use the same thing often it was easy to fill in the slots. Once I know what I'm making for the week I take the corresponding recipe and put them in order in the 3 ring binder. So each week my binder changes. It's incredibly easy to open up, change around the protected papers and put them in order of the week. I've also tried just tabbing them with numbers and not moving them around but it was just easier for me to open it up and move them.

The next step is going through my kitchen and making sure I have what I need for the week. I bring my grocery list, mentioned above, in the kitchen with me and start marking off what I need. With this particular list I've found it best to just highlight my list since they've already written it out. That way I can see it better when I'm going through the store. Really when I'm on top of things this list is already in my kitchen, on the fridge, and as we run out of things I highlight them on the list. Then when I need to add things for my meal planning it's a bit faster because I've most likely already added it to the list if I ran out of it. Does that make sense?

I staple or tape (depending on what's available) the grocery list to my meal plan and take them both to the store with me. That way if I forget why I needed something I have the meal plan with me and I just like keeping them together. 

Easy 1" 3 ring binder

Inside

I usually have a magazine or 2 floating around in here

Snack ideas and recipes that I haven't used yet and aren't in protectors. Saved for another day.

Some examples of past planning. You can see I write/type and move things around as needed.

Sometimes I add how long it'll take to cook or if it's a crock pot meal. I make notes if I need to do prep the day before.

This meal plan corresponds to the list below

Can you tell I had the help of a toddler?

Close up of my grocery list

That's pretty much it! Let me know if you have any questions or if anything isn't clear.

New adventures

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now but something is always coming up. Namely my two little girls are needing my attention. But I still want to do an update about a big change that's happened around here.

I'm now a stay at home mama! My last day of work was June 1st and I'm so excited to have finally been able to start this journey. I really did love my job, it was fun, rewarding, I loved the people I worked for and with and really I got to set my own hours within reason. It was very flexible and I had a good time there. But the day I had Alivia, 2.5 years ago, I knew that I wanted and needed to stay home with her. It wasn't an option at the time so after my measly 12 week maternity leave was up I had to head back to work. My manager offered my a different position that allowed to me work from home most days and that was truly appreciated. While I was still out of the house a lot (because you can't sell homes from home...) I was still able to spend a lot more time at home that I would have sitting in the office. For that I'm so thankful. But, inevitably, she hit certain milestones while I was at work away from home.

Crawling. She crawled for the first time while I was 40 mile away covering a model home community for a co-worker. That sucked. I still remember my husband sending me a video and showing me her crawling over to the stairs where her grandma was sitting. I wish I would have been here when she did that.

Then of course there are the other little things that would pop up. A beautiful day that I wanted to spend outside with her, swimming at the pool was restricted to 2 days a week, going to the library, just sitting on the couch and cuddling her. Not to mention pumping breast milk sucks and it's so much easier just to feed them from the tap lol.

Once I found out I was pregnant with Juliana I knew I didn't want to have them both in daycare and I wanted to be the one to take care of them. My mother in law watched Alivia from the time I went back to work until I went on maternity leave again, so about 2 years. Between her, my husband and myself, and at times my own mother was watching her too, we were able to keep her out of daycare, in the arms of family and save money at the same time. But with two....that's a bit harder for anyone and it wasn't something hubby's mom wanted to take on. If Alivia were already in school part time it would have been easier to work out with family but with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old that just wasn't going to happen.

I did try going back to work after my leave, hubby was watching both of the girls but it's not what either of us wanted. While he obviously loves our children and enjoys spending time with them, being a stay at home dad wasn't something he wanted to do. And I desperately did. So after giving it some more thought we agreed that me being home with them was the best thing.

And I'm SO EXCITED! I know it's only been a few days but since I was working from home a lot before I've already experienced what it's like being home all day long with both of them. It's certainly not always easy but I love it. I don't know how long I'll be this excited haha but I'm going to embrace it now and enjoy getting to spend a lot more time with my little girls.

This is time you can't get back and I'm glad I'm going to be spending it with them.