The Great Escape: Thoughtful Thursday (NaBloPoMo Day 6)

So I've escaped from the house. Without the kids. Or my husband. It's just me. Maybe "escape" is a bit extreme but,...no, escape sounds about right. Don't get me wrong I love my family. I'm sure if you've read any other post I've written that would be apparent. But one can only take so much before you need a break.

I did escape. After the baby woke up I laid in bed with her for about 25 mins while she cooed and made silly baby sounds. Alivia was surprisingly still asleep so I told Dustin I was going to run out before she woke up. It's much easier to leave the house when she is sleeping. She never wants me to leave. She tells me so every day. Even days that I'm home all day with her. "Mommy I don't want you to ever go anywhere". haha :-) it is sweet.

The moment I start thinking about leaving the house several thoughts run through my head. All the places I can go, where should I go, what should I do? Oh the possibilities. I'm a stay at home mom now. I'm used to working. To going. To always having something that needs done. And that's still the case but now it's all centered around my family so when I get a chance to run free what do I do?

Here's a sampling of what goes through my mind while I'm getting dressed to leave:

I'd like to finish my book. I really should finish it. The library would love to have it back. They keep sending me emails about Bobby Joe down the road who's waiting for the book. I'm sorry Bobby Joe, it's taking me 18 times longer than it used to to finish a book. OK. I'll go to the library and I'll finish the book there and then I'll return it while I'm there. Yes, that's what I'll do.

I should bring my laptop, though, too. What if I want to write something. Or sort through my 5,867 pictures that are taking up space on my computer. That would be a good idea. It's hardly functioning at this point it's so full of pictures. But if I bring my laptop I'll need to bring my external hard drive too so I can pull pictures on to there. That's a lot of stuff to bring. Maybe I'll just bring my book and my laptop and then I can wander around the library for a bit. I can look at all the books. I'm rarely at the library with out 1 or 2 children with me so it'll be nice to walk around by myself.

OH books! Maybe Barnes and Noble! YES! I love new books. OK, that's where I'll go. I'll take my library book to Barnes and Noble and I'll read it there and then I'll stroll through the aisles looking at all the new books. And planners. I love planners. I'm terrible at using them but I'm really great at buying them. It does take me forever though to pick one. I'd hate to spend my whole time away from home trying to pick a planner to buy. Wait, I don't need a planner. Stay away from the planners. 

Maybe I'll go to Starbucks. I can sit and read and have my half-caff americano and I'll read my book. And I'll take my laptop.
Oh and I'll bring my head phones in case I want to watch a couple YouTube videos, I have a few I'd like to catch up on.

Wouldn't it be nice though to walk around the mall?! I could do that. It's so far away though. The baby needs to eat every 2 hours. It'll take me 45 mins to get there and 45 mins to get back. That's hardly worth it. And I don't have any money so I should stay away from the mall.

Is it too early to go to the bar? A glass of wine would be nice. 

I'd like to look at the trees again in the mountains before they stop changing colors. A nice drive up to the mountains without a screaming baby in the back. Wait that's too far away. Maybe this week we can drive back up there again. I heard that Vail has some incredible golden trees right now. Yes, I'll ask my family about going up on Sunday to Vail so we can see the trees. Oh yeah and I want to go back on that hike again to Lair 'O Bear, but that has to be on a Wednesday because the castle is closed on weekends. So Wednesday. I need to ask my mom if she'd like to go on Wednesday with us. 

We also need to plan a trip to Anderson Farms to pick out our pumpkins and take the girls around the farm. OK, that's it. I'll go to Barnes and Noble and I'll bring my planner and I'll plan out our month of October with places we should go and things we should see. There's a lot going on this month. It'll be good to get it all down on paper. Oh,...I left the house without my planner. That's ok. I have my lap top. I'll just put it on Google calendar. 

Well if I'm going to plan I should do my meal planning for the week too. And we need groceries. So I'll just plan out our meals and then make a shopping list and then later today I can go shopping with the girls. 

Is that really how I want to spend my time though? Meal planning? Ugh.

...I'm not even kidding. Please tell me I'm not alone in this. There's probably more but I just can't even think about it right now. This is almost constant though. Whether I'm leaving the house or not I'm always thinking about what needs to be done, should be done, can't be done, will be done, when will any of it be done. I'm working on it. When playing with the girls I'm a lot better about just being there mind, body and all. Just there. But it's not long before my mind starts wandering again.

So where did I end up you may ask? Where did my great escape of 2 hours take me? Let me tell ya...

I drove to Barnes and Noble. Then decided I'd grab something at Target to eat at B&N so that I wasn't spending so much money on breakfast there. I got to Target at 8:01...they open at 8 thank goodness. Target is a black hole my friends. Really. I'm serious. And they have this magical pull once you get inside the doors that says "you must wander through all the aisles...even the fishing aisles. You don't fish. But go, look, lose 15 mins of your day". Actually it appears that this magical pull has a much further reach than the front door because I was parked at BARNES AND NOBLE......

What did I get?

What in God's name did I get?! A Halloween Banner for $3, Crisp Apple hand sanitizer for $1.29 and an alligator Halloween costume...for a DOG. I don't have a dog people. Do you see any food there? No? Neither do I. Even though $7.59 is the cheapest I've ever gotten out of Target for...it's nowhere near what I was there for. 

So I go back to Barnes and Noble. And they don't open until 9. What the hell? Do they not realize the thought process it took me to get there?! So I'll go to the library. But I'm starving. So I stop at the Krispy Creme that's forcing their fatty doughnut smell all through the shopping center. (at this point I also contemplate walking around World Market but somehow stop the thought before my legs can take me there). So I go in and get myself a free doughnut and start to head to the library. 

....they don't open until 9:30. See maybe I should add to my empty planner the opening times of all these places. Then next time my random thoughts will know where I can actually go.

So Starbucks it is. It's 9:11 right this minute. And what have I done the entire time I've been here?

This. This post. This rambling, weird, jumbled up post. I bought a coffee and a bagel. The bagel is still in the bag and the coffee...well the coffee I'm drinking black which I don't usually do but I bought this new cup here because I thought it was cute and I can't get the damn lid off. Which I knew before I bought it because as I was deciding to buy it I attempted opening the lid and couldn't. The barista told me it's because it's new. So they filled my new cup up with my coffee and put the lid on and I can't get it off. And some older guy laughed because I couldn't open it...thanks buddy.

Anyway...I need to head back home now because the baby needs a nap and she won't go down for Dustin. I know this because he's texting me right now telling me so.

Here's my book. I brought my book. 

  Sorry Bobby Joe...

Time to be creative?

When do you find time to "do"? If you have children bonus points for answering this because I'm literally staying home from work and I still can't find time to do little things that pop up in my mind. Granted I quit my job so I can stay home and raise my two sweet girls.
(see here for that post New Adventures)

But I feel like I should be able to find a little time each day to do some of these things that I think about. But when is the time? Do I let laundry go? The dishes? Leave the toys all over the floor? Skip eating lunch? Not playing with the toddler or infant? Give up some sleep (really I can't afford that). When can I meal plan? When do I grocery shop? Take a shower? Pee?... I mean really I'm talking 30 mins a day that I could be doing something I want but then I feel guilty for not doing one of the above mentioned chores, or quality time or self care haha. Plus I still sit down to feed a baby every 2 hours. :-)

Keeping up a house and taking care of small children is a lot of work and so time consuming. It's also fun of course and I love spending time with my little girls and watching them learn and grow, I just need to find some time for me. What do I want to do?

I'd love to read a book. Like a really good book. I was a very avid reader before I had Alivia. I would take long soaks in the bath, lay on the couch, stay up late in my bed, where ever and when ever I wanted I would be reading. Down time at work? Yep, reading a book. Obviously I knew that having a child would change that but I didn't realize that I'd be able to count on one hand how many books I've read in the 2.5 years since she was born...

I'd love to blog more. I really like writing and every day there is something I find I want to blog about. Every day. How often do I blog? It's pitiful. You can see for yourself.

I want to start vlogging more. I really think it's something I could get into and something I can do to capture what our lives are like now. How great would it be to have this archive of videos that you created and edited and that you get to look back on? And how great for family that lives out of state to be able to see? Honestly how great for family that even live IN state. With two kids and 4 naps and early bed times it's HARD to find time to visit with even local family. I've done a few videos and I'd really like to find the time to do more. I had a goal of 3/week. I did ok for like a month lol...and now I need to do more. I have a lot of videos I recorded but they haven't been uploaded to my computer and therefore also unedited.

I'd like to write a book. Who wouldn't right? Well...actually probably a lot of people wouldn't but I know plenty that have said "I'd like to write a book" and then nothing comes of it. Because TIME people...TIME! My mom has written a great book and now she's just struggling with the publishing part. So even once the book is done (is it ever really done?) you have the battle of getting someone to pick it up and publish it for you. So...more time. I have some great ideas and one really good one I just thought of the other day but still haven't written out yet. That would be a good starting point...I always wonder "how do I get started?"

These are things that take some concentration, and I have little of that lately. I'm "making it talk" (when Alivia wants us to play with her she hands us a toy and says "Talk to it" which means "make it talk" lol), trying to sleep, trying to get someone else to sleep, making food, cleaning up food, washing laundry, folding laundry, getting never ending stains OUT of laundry (a nudist colony is starting to sound really great right now) I even did a video on laundry hahaha Laundry Day hmmm... basically I don't have a lot of time to concentrate on being creative. Creative for myself.

So I'll ask you:
Any tips on how to find time to do these things? I love planning things out and scheduling it so if that helps with the advice I'd love it!
Leave a comment below and let me know your thoughts!

Alivia finds time to be creative!

New adventures

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now but something is always coming up. Namely my two little girls are needing my attention. But I still want to do an update about a big change that's happened around here.

I'm now a stay at home mama! My last day of work was June 1st and I'm so excited to have finally been able to start this journey. I really did love my job, it was fun, rewarding, I loved the people I worked for and with and really I got to set my own hours within reason. It was very flexible and I had a good time there. But the day I had Alivia, 2.5 years ago, I knew that I wanted and needed to stay home with her. It wasn't an option at the time so after my measly 12 week maternity leave was up I had to head back to work. My manager offered my a different position that allowed to me work from home most days and that was truly appreciated. While I was still out of the house a lot (because you can't sell homes from home...) I was still able to spend a lot more time at home that I would have sitting in the office. For that I'm so thankful. But, inevitably, she hit certain milestones while I was at work away from home.

Crawling. She crawled for the first time while I was 40 mile away covering a model home community for a co-worker. That sucked. I still remember my husband sending me a video and showing me her crawling over to the stairs where her grandma was sitting. I wish I would have been here when she did that.

Then of course there are the other little things that would pop up. A beautiful day that I wanted to spend outside with her, swimming at the pool was restricted to 2 days a week, going to the library, just sitting on the couch and cuddling her. Not to mention pumping breast milk sucks and it's so much easier just to feed them from the tap lol.

Once I found out I was pregnant with Juliana I knew I didn't want to have them both in daycare and I wanted to be the one to take care of them. My mother in law watched Alivia from the time I went back to work until I went on maternity leave again, so about 2 years. Between her, my husband and myself, and at times my own mother was watching her too, we were able to keep her out of daycare, in the arms of family and save money at the same time. But with two....that's a bit harder for anyone and it wasn't something hubby's mom wanted to take on. If Alivia were already in school part time it would have been easier to work out with family but with a 2.5 year old and a 3 month old that just wasn't going to happen.

I did try going back to work after my leave, hubby was watching both of the girls but it's not what either of us wanted. While he obviously loves our children and enjoys spending time with them, being a stay at home dad wasn't something he wanted to do. And I desperately did. So after giving it some more thought we agreed that me being home with them was the best thing.

And I'm SO EXCITED! I know it's only been a few days but since I was working from home a lot before I've already experienced what it's like being home all day long with both of them. It's certainly not always easy but I love it. I don't know how long I'll be this excited haha but I'm going to embrace it now and enjoy getting to spend a lot more time with my little girls.

This is time you can't get back and I'm glad I'm going to be spending it with them.